The strange thing about emmigrating is the "this is the last time I'll ever" thoughts. Today is the last Saturday I'll be spending here (other than the odd trip back). It's a bit self-indulgent and dramatic, but I'm expressing it as I feel it.
Today I take my daughter back to her mother's after spending just over a week together (she's 8 and on half-term). We've had a nice time, and it hasn't been an angst ridden mope-fest - it's just been normal. I had a bit of a pang this morning, I have to keep reminding myself that I'm only going to be a 5 hour flight away - I'm not dying, and neither is she. Perspective is hard to maintain in the face of emotion. My hope is that when she comes to visit she'll fall in love with the place too, and will choose to come and live with us. If she doesn't, then she's still going to have awesome holidays. It's great to have a partner like TD that is completely supportive and understanding of what I need to aim for as a father - I'm not used to it so sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm not responsible for everything anymore.
Flicking through facebook a minute ago, I saw some pictures of my Brighton friends. I miss them and I miss Brighton - it's where I was born, and also where I was reborn. I need to spread my wings though, the chance of a whole new life was not to be passed up. My mother is Canadian and she left home when I was 4, I didnt see her again till I was 16. Consequently I held onto Canada as this place that I needed to know, needed to see - it was the only link I had to her. In some ways it has as much of a draw on my soul as Brighton. My childhood was spent laying claim to being half-canadian. So in a way I'm returning to my other roots :)
I'm going into this with my eyes wide open (perhaps in terror!) - as the 7th approaches, I allow myself a little more excitement. My work permit came through on Thursday, and that was the last thing that I was waiting for - I've got the girl and I've got the job that lets me get to her. I have a week on my own now, which I've thankfully managed to fill with work appointments, so the time should go quickly. So much unknown territory awaits me, I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff and psyching myself to jump into the water below.
A 7 day countdown until I actually do it though :)
7.....
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2 comments:
Just remember that you're an excellent swimmer... and everything will be fine :-)
Aw. You know what though? Things get left behind even if you don't move anywhere... The best things endure regardless.
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