I'm on a roll!

"people denouncing consumerism and then spending a fortune on organic food, exotic condiments, alternative music, rare foreign furniture or "anti-consumerist" products"

The hypocrisy of the chattering classes is astounding - never have we been confronted with such a dirth of liberal thought as now. Liberal is not fair trade bananas, liberal is not using organic pastry for your canapes, liberal is not eschewing mainstream culture - liberal is not a label to apply to your consumerist lifestyle so that you can pretend you aren't just another part of the capitalist machine.

What are your beliefs? What are your ethics and morals? How are you making a stand against the injustices you lament whilst sipping cocktails?

THINK! That's what sheeple are - people without their own thoughts and beliefs.

But I definitely agree with this

and it made me laugh. Philosophy humour rules ;)

"the idea that all morality is subjective is an objective position on morality and therefore a paradox."

Not sure I agree with this...

But I find it amusing.

"The basics of male - female sexual relations are (and always have been) women will swap sex for what they want and men will swap sex for whatever they have."

True dat.

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
 They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
 And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
 By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
 And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
 It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
 And don't have any kids yourself.

Why I'm leaving part two

I read this on The Guardian forums today, it summarises what I see wrong with our culture.

"

Human beings are goal-oriented, problem-solving social animals. Despite the abyss beneath our feet we rise above our existential angst to find or create meaning in our lives. If we fail so to do, we fall into depression and much, much worse.

Young women without hope of purpose have fatherless babies far too young, only to find they do not fill the void; young men without hope fill their heads with dreams of dominance and their hands with the means to achieve it.

Blair's legacy is mere footnote to Thatcher: there IS no such thing as society; nothing to build, to contribute to or sacrifice for. Bankers are cool, billionaires are cooler and public servants are fools because they do not follow the money.

As Zola said: "If you ask me why I am here I will say I came to live out loud!"

Well your thugs and killers come to live out loud. Pity the society that values wealth above meaning and property above people; such are its children.

Black, white, male, female, we are all now in the belly of the capitalist Beast. Someone fetch a big, sharp knife and let's gut the vile animal."

Much needed blissful slumber

Well I slept for close to 11 hours. Given my usual sleep time is about 6 hours, I'd say I was fighting something off (exhaustion probably). I got into bed and actually sighed "ahhhh, I love bed", which is something I never do - sleep is a function I wish I didn't have to do. Anyway - revitalised and invigorated and ready to go. Did the rest of my shopping and fought my way through the hoards of scum in town.

Chili tonight and then off to a pagan solstice celebration where I shall put my dreams and wishes on the wind with everyone else. Clock burning

Should be awesome.

I sometimes wonder if we deserve to exist anymore

Just watching a program about "Extreme Porn" - not quite sure what I was expecting, but I got a lot more. 'Crushing' porn is a new one on me - taping/gluing small animals to a board and then crushing them under a high heel or bare feet. I don't know how this is supposed to titillate, but it has actually made me feel sick - I thought fecal freaks were as sick as it got, but this really is something else. Next the program is covering the market for 'violent rape' porn.

I'm sure I could make a very clever moral relatavist argument for why it's not actually 'wrong', but I can't even begin to think how this sort of stuff is acceptable - philosophy be damned, this is fucked up. With all the technology we have in the world, we're using it to distribute animal snuff porn on the internet. Apparently rapists are now filming themselves assaulting prostitutes and putting it on the web.

Sometimes we are shown the absolute bottom of the pus-filled pit of human nature. I'm an atheist, but I can see why fear of eternal damnation might be a good thing.

Sick to my stomach.

Why I'm leaving

People like me are leaving in their thousands - the educated middle-classes that earn enough to pay a lot of tax, but not enough to be able to blag non-dom status and pay no tax.

I'm leaving because there is a massed class of self-obsessed consumptionist fuckwits taking over. It's not about working class/middle class/upper class anymore. It's chavscum vs everyone else - and it is not something I've seen in other countries. The US and Canada have white trash, but that white trash don't seem to make up the majority of the population.

Go out on a Friday or Saturday night in any town centre in the UK, you'll see the same scene. Drunken/drug-fucked arseholes of both sexes fighting and vomiting and inflicting themselves on the people around them. I go out once or twice a month on a clubbing night, and every time I see it - I'm not a Daily Mail reader being told this, I'm seeing it first hand.

When I lived in Gravesend I got attacked for "talking posh". My wife got sexually assaulted by a 14-year old boy whose family then tried to batter me outside the police station - it didn't matter what their son had done, I was responsible for him being at the police station. My daughter got her drink spiked at a party and was raped. My ex-girlfriend had her head smashed against a radiator after a guy tried to force her into having sex at a party (he followed her to the bathroom and grabbed her). At my youngest daughter's 5th birthday party, she saw her uncle get his teeth knocked out by one of the other parents (unprovoked, the guy was drunk) - my daughter goes to private school as I wanted to shield her from the standard scum of the town, it didn't work. I punched some guy when he was trying to break into my bedroom through the window in the middle of the night. My experience of this country is that it's full of scum - maybe I'm just more attuned to it now, because I see these kinds of people regularly. I know that I've had more than my fair share of "bad things", but our lives are subjective, so this is how I see it.

I travel around Europe a lot for work, and I don't see the same behaviour when I'm out on the town over there. There has always been a drinking culture in the UK, and maybe 15 years ago when I started going out it was the same on a Friday and Saturday as it is now - perhaps I'm just seeing it through more cynical eyes. 15 years ago I don't think we'd have been booing the national anthems of other countries at sporting events - I really believe something has changed in our national psyche, and that it is getting worse.

On top of the personal safety/comfort issues - there's the failing health system, the ever increasing cost of living (rising way way above the rate of inflation), the surveillance culture, the nannying freedom-encroaching legislation, the failing infrastructure, the 'hand out' gimme attitude of a lot of the people and the shite weather. When I flew back into Heathrow yesterday, my bags were delayed by an hour due to "congestion". Only in the UK do we have congestion in the airport itself.

Just to balance it out - I love the natural beauty of the UK, I adore the South Downs. I love hot summer days in the New Forest. I love the heritage and history of the country itself - I'm not ashamed of our past. I love the fact that you can go and see real Roman baths/roads. Places like Stonehenge are awe-inspiring. But all of these things are "nice to haves" - and all of them are things from our past. What is there now to be proud of? The thing that we are immersed in is the current culture - what is the zeitgeist of now?

I've spent the past few months living in two places at once (Montreal and here). I prefer it there, so that's where I'm going. It is by no means perfect, but it is preferable to me. Just little things - like the police are generally respected, the streets are clean, the subway is on time and cheap, healthcare is good, in summer it's hot in winter it's cold (I ski and mountain bike so perfect for me), quality of life is high, the natural beauty is both varied and impressive. Quebec is different to the rest of Canada though - it's more European and less banal. There's even interesting architecture :) I just like it.

If I didn't have to work and I was 20 years older, then I could gladly live in the UK in the sticks in a bubble and enjoy all the good things about the country without much of the bad. But I have to work and socialise, and the UK is not a pleasant place to do either in my experience. YMMV.

On emmigration

Is this true? Why wasn't I informed??

My new hobby

Fuck Nihilism

And so my philosophy on life is exposed :)

All the best ones die...

Mitch Hedberg 1968-2005
Sigh - Mitch Hedberg is one of my favourite comedians. I only just found out that he died from a drugs overdose two years ago. Usually when I listen to comedians on my own, I just laugh quietly to myself - but he makes me laugh out loud, to the point of tears at times :) If you do drugs you're bad, but people like Mitch Hedberg and Bill Hicks show, you can also be real funny.

" When I was a boy, I laid my twin size bed wonderin' where my brother was..."
" I went to a doctor. All he did was suck blood from of my neck. Don't go to see Dr. Acula!"
"I mumble a lot offstage, I’m a mumbler. If I’m walking with a friend and I say something, he won’t hear me. He’ll say, "What?" So I’ll say it again, but once again he doesn’t hear me, so he says, "What?" But really it’s just some insignificant shit that I’m saying, but now I’m yelling, "That tree is far away!""
"I have a friend who is a juggler. When I go to his house, I don't like to take food from him if it is in threes. He has three apples left ... I guess I can't have one... Won't want to fuck up the practice routine."
"I had a job interview at an insurance company once and the lady said, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said, "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question.""
"I wake up in the morning, I make instant oatmeal in the morning then I don't do shit for an hour. Makes me wonder why I need the instant oatmeal. I could make the regular oatmeal and feel productive."
"One time a guy handed me a picture, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You son of a bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera. What's it look like?..."

Sad he's gone but laughing at the jokes :) My favourite of all time:

"I once bought an ant farm, but I was disappointed. They didn't grow shit."

Thoughts on commitment

"What's important to you? That is the question.

Commitment will give you a headache every now and then.
New pussy always clears your mind.

But you've got to think about life in the long term. People tell you that life is short. No it's not. Life is long. Especially if you've made the wrong decisions.

And in the long term, if you're sick, is new pussy going to take care of you? No.

If you're hungry, is new pussy going to feed you? New pussy can't cook!


If you've got a baby, is new pussy going to teach him how to read? New pussy's illiterate!

So you've got to come back to commitment, and turn this old pussy into new pussy. You've got to recycle the pussy!" - Chris Rock

Not something I'm struggling with, but after a conversation with a friend last night it brought back a lot of bad memories from the breakdown of my marriage. Once you you've fucked around, that's it for the relationship. Are you going to spend your life lying to the person you love? If a major component of love is respect, how can you be in love with someone who you're hiding your behaviour from? It's a maggot in the core, and eventually the whole apple turns bad. That feeling when you bite in and see half a maggot? That's what it's like when you're first unfaithful - you can't go back. The taste will stay with you forever.

Most importantly, fucking around damages you. It blackens the soul and makes you feel ashamed - you might not acknowledge it, you might pretend that it's ok, that you'll be faithful once it gets serious. But there's always a moment when you look in the mirror and you know what you are. It doesn't make for pleasant viewing.

One of my friends is polyamorous - he made a telling comment about monogamous relationships: "Don't live a lie - why bother with something that is based on deceit?". He doesn't believe people are supposed to be monogamous, and he lives his lfe accordingly. He's open and honest about it, and he's never misled anyone. You might not agree with his beliefs or his choices, but you can respect the fact that he doesn't lie about it. He can look in the mirror. I like being able to look in the mirror - I like having a bulletproof relationship. Funny thing is, now he's with someone he desperately loves, the polyamory seems to have faded - they might share things sexually, but there's only one woman for him (two if you count Babalon). True love has no room for extras.

If you're invulnerable to outside attacks because of the strength of your pairing, why would you sabotage it from the inside? I'm no saint, I've done some pretty reprehensible things in the past - but that gives me strength now. I know what it is like to fuck up a relationship, I'm not going back to those dark days ever again.

Life is long - live it the best way you can. Short term animalistic gain is not worth the loss of a cultivated soul. I am becoming the best I can possibly be, and that's because of the rock solid foundations that have been laid. Now I'm starting to build on them with my lover, and I can already tell it's going to be magnificent.

Know thy will
93 93 93

I hate Sweden. It is like a permanent white light filter has been applied to the place. Spending time here makes it abundantly clear how they ended up with Ikea. The whole place has been white-washed. The people are cold and aloof, business meetings are dull and unidirectional, the food is shit and the weather - gah! Woke up this morning to horizontal snow and sleet. Walked outside and felt my eyeball freezing over.

What's weird is I like winter and snowy weather, it's just particularly unpleasant here. Can't explain way - I think the complete disconnection of language doesn't help. Looking forward to going back to Brighton tomorrow.

Then two weeks till Reno. Wooohoo

The Best Thing About Brighton

If you get a clear day with a really vivid vibrant sunset, and the starlings decide they want to roost in the pier, then it is awesome to see. You sit wrapped up warm on the pebble beach and watch the cloud start to form, and then see that cloud start to undulate and swirl and lighten and darken as it's density changes. Alongside the beautiful spectacle of thee starlings, there is the constant sound of the sea rolling pebbles back and forth. There is something about the backdrop of a burned out old pier that strengthens the peak experience of the moment - when you feel one with the universe and the ego is gone. I get it when mountain biking and skiing as well, whenever I'm in forests actually. We are so much more than the petty concerns that fill our lives. We need moments like Brighton's starlings to remind us.

Sometimes it really hurts

What do you do when the dreams spread beneath your feet blend seamlessly into you? You are the dream.

Kindly back off

Wearing some of this now

It's sexy and shiny and has five times the stopping power of conventional bomb disposal armour. Should do the trick. Better late than never.

Raaaaargh training make me strong

Unfortunately this is not my physique - however, it's been great to get back into training today, so i thought I'd post an inspiring image :) After a crappy night dealing with people's (incorrect) perceptions of my thoughts and motivations, I then got about 4 hours of sleep. This was after coming back from taiji, where I went through the whole form very slowly with the class - I was feeling a bit under the weather at the start of the lesson, so doing the form tends to bring things to a head. I either get better, or I get sick and get better sooner. I think it was the latter as I spent all night in a sweat-soaked delirium. Woke up feeling horrendous, had some more sleep and then felt ok.

Decided to get back on the training obsession - so I had a quick run, then did my clubbell routine, then the empty hand and scholar sword taijiquan forms. Then I had a loooong soak in the bath and now I feel like I've been using my body properly again - the delicious ache of well-used muscles.

I feel like myself again - testosterone and endorphins for the win.

Goodbye little cats

They gave me a lot of pleasure and fun, and I'm sorry to see them go - however good their new home is, a part of me wants to have been able to keep them.

They went to the pedigree persian rehoming centre this morning, and by 1pm they had been rehomed and were starting their new life in a place where they will get constant attention. Hurray for pretty cats!

Sigh.

"Patience - a minor form of despair disguised as a virtue."
Ambrose Bierce

Waiting sucks - I want things to happen now now now. *stomp* I know it'll be worth the wait, but raaaaaaaaaaaargh I hate waiting. One whole week has gone. Nine more to go - a tenth of the way through isn't so bad. 64 days to go I think?

You don't have to press it...

"Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious."

Doh!

Moving to new premises + Oink

So - opening these doors for public consumption. Bored of livejournal's little foibles, so I have moved here permanently. I'm not one to post on my day to day activities, but that's just me.

Oink has been taken down and the site owner has been arrested. I'm gutted to be honest - it was the only place I ever found that had extremely rare electronica that you just can't buy anymore. It was good while it lasted - here's hoping I don't get a nasty letter in the post :) I can't see it happening to be honest - just the usual scare tactics they pull in these situations.

As a point of amusement, the Pirate Bay somehow got ownership of the IFPI's net domain and have.... edited it slightly :) here

Weird place

The weirdest thing about this is the lack of accountability. I've become conditioned to think about someone else without realising it - I'm starting to get used to it I think, but it keeps throwing me off balance. Visiting friends and coming back when the evening has naturally concluded, not when I said I would be back; yet in my mind I have moments of "shit what time is it?"

It's like I've had iron bands around my chest and now they're gone, but I'm having to force myself to take deep gulps of air and allow my body to adjust. The flat is a strange place, it echoes of partnership. I've put the obvious things away, but so many little items that seem innocuous are actually strongly linked to the past. I have the urge to purge (hah catchphrase!), but I'm not ready yet - it would seem a bit too brutal and harsh I think.

For the first time in my life I'm living in a place I want to be, surrounded by people I care about and my life isn't a complete mess. I have to know what it's like to just be me.