Rant about stuff - pet peeves

Americans who think that the only way to speak or write English is their way. I don't give a fuck if you spell "honour" and "colour" without the U - where I'm from, we do. Since my country gave rise to the language, I hardly think we're wrong. The world is bigger than your borders.

For example - "orientate" is a perfectly valid word, and is the more common practice in the UK.

And while I'm at it - "schedule" doesn't have a 'k' in it, so try pronouncing it properly. Oh wait - that's just a _regional_ difference you ignorant fucks.

"Herb" has a fucking H in it!!! Please pronounce it whenever you are in the UK, as otherwise people will think you are a white jamaican or that you are taking the piss - this is not a good thing to do in some parts of the country.

In the UK I hear the following all the time:

"aks" instead of "ask"
"cerstificate" instead of "certificate"
"skelington" instead of "skeleton"

I have recently become a fan of "innit" - it's the equivalent of the Canadian "eh?" on the end of sentences. Alongside that I've now started using "is it?" after someone tells me something, to express disbelief/interest/something to say to feel the silence:
"I'm going down the shops, innit"
"Is it?"

Ooh ooh another one - Americans, I appreciate that for a long time the world has been convinced that you don't know what irony is. However, telling me that _you_ know what irony is, and then proceeding to laugh at Alanis M and her little song "and like, it's ironic that she doesn't know what irony is", are not interesting ways for me to spend a conversation. I really don't give a fuck.

That's enough grammar fascism....

Trains
- if you're on the train, by all means take a call. Maybe even make one to tell your loved one when you'll be home. Please don't phone your mate and spend 30 minutes telling them about last night and how "so yeah, Danny tried to get 'old of me innit, but I told him to fack off cos he ain't my type, and then Jodi got 'old of 'im instead and I was like what's your problem?". I hate you.
- I'm happy you want to read your paper, just keep it out of the area between my face and the book Im holding. (I once saw a man grab the paper off of someone who did this and start doing the crossword "I thought you were giving it to me")
- just because I'm not wearing a suit, that does not mean I'm somehow not supposed to be on the commuter train. Look down your nose at me again and I'll slap you and your cheap suit all the way back to Burtons.
- Dear man eating Burger King, I've been at work all day and I'm starving. I refrained from buying junk food because I know I'd feel bad about it. Why the fuck do you have to sit next to me eating? And why are you incapable of closing your mouth when you chew? I really think there's no liquid left in your drink, so stop. fucking. slurping.
- Dear passenger - sitting on the aisle seat and putting your bag on the window seat is not going to stop me from wanting to sit down. This train is full and I'm not going to stand up for an hour. When I indicate that I want to sit down, don't fuck about - just move over. Standing up and pretending you just wanted the aisle seat is a load of shit - we both know you were trying it on. Just for that I'm going to take up the whole arm rest.

And breeeaathe